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Barnes Squash Club, London

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12th April 2017: Friendly match Lensbury v Barnes

Our Brave Barnes Boys gave a good fight against the titans from Peter Jones. Alas a win it was not. Peter Jones played a great game beating our boys by 3-2.
David at number 1 played very well but it wasn't to be just losing a 3-2 dual. John 2 and Paul 3 took two superb wins off them with a 3-0 each. Andrew 4 and yours truly at 5 didn't help matters with a 2 further losses.
Down but not broken we laid on our legendary hospitality with all the trimmings. Lasagna was enjoyed by all especially David who needed the extra portions and oily base to lubricate his broken ego.
A great evening, well played all.
David Crane, John Richardson, Paul Williams, Andrew Swan, Alexander Boland

12th April 2017: Friendly match Lensbury v Barnes

Barnes continued its fighting if not winning streak with a 3-2 defeat against a strong Lensbury team.
Kevin at number 1, Euan at 2 and Ian at a reluctant 3 tried their best but faced even better opposition. It was left to Luke playing at 4 and Alex at 5 to restore the Barnes team pride. This they did with quiet but determined wins against solid opponents. Kevin and Euan are such fine players: it was all the more frustrating that we were unable to tip the balance - yet all credit to Luke and Alex.
Battle done, we adjourned to partake of typical Lensbury hospitality - fish and chips and cold beers in the restaurant - before wending our way home, with at least some success under our belts from the dining table!

27th Mar 2017 : Friendly at Sheen

Playing at number 1, Kevin played an outstanding technical player, but was outfoxed. Long rally's ensued, to give you an idea of how intense it was Kevin even removed his Tracksuit after the first game (unheard of in March) Kevin unfortunately went down 3-1 after a promising comeback in the second game.
At 2, Euan went head to head with a chap who had no respect for balls or walls, hitting the ball with such pace that the neighbours may well have lodged a complaint. Unfortunately for Barnes he was also accurate, and for a big chap covered the court well. Euan looked like he would wear him down to win later on, but lost out 3-1 on this occasion.
At 3 'El Capitan', as he is affectionately revered, Paul got the job done coming back from losing the first game to win 3-1. All games were close, with some long rally's, Paul's new found fitness seeing him through.
At 4 Simon played Keith, who used play us in the Richmond tie. Simon won convincingly 3-1.
At 5 Rich had probably the closest game of the night, in a match that involved more run's than a Brick Lane Curry festival. All tied at 2-2 the crowd 'Oohed and Aahed' at every point in the 5th. Unfortunately Rich just lost out 17-15 in the final game.

20th Mar 2017 : Friendly at Roehampton

In one of the first of this year's social matches, the mighty Barnes squad looked forward to continuing last term's almost unbroken winning streak.
Alas, this was not to be: away at neighbours Roehampton, despite a stirring performance, we went down narrowly 3-2.
Particular congratulations are due to Tom Scott-Cowell? at #2 and Andrew Swan at #5 for winning their matches and helping us salvage a vestige of honour.
Nevertheless, I know how hard the others also fought to try and make it 5-0 in our favour?: Kevin Lim at #1, Paul Williams at #3 and Ian Andrews at #4. We were just overcome by those wily Roehampton lads.
But we live to fight another day! Not least because of our hosts' generosity after the match, when tales of derring-do were swapped over a very enjoyable supper and drinks.

16th Mar 2017 : home Friendly against Wimbledon

In the round of autumn social matches, the doughty Barnes squad was victorious against all comers, save for a 0-5 walloping at the hands of Wimbledon.
With the coming of spring we assembled for the return fixture intent on revenge. Led by Kevin and with home advantage, the Barnes team turned into a band of cold blooded assassins.
First up was Ian playing at 2. Despite this being a higher rank than he was comfortable with, he gave a great account of himself but still succumbed to an unjust 0-3 reverse. Rich in his first match for the club was at 5 and undone by a wily opponent, despite lots of effort to prevent the 0-3 loss. Luke at 3 put up a good showing but went down 1-3
You can see which way this is going can't you? Next up at 4 Gerry had the chance of a famous victory but managed to snatch defeat at the last and went down 2-3 in a tight encounter.
So on to the showpiece, the clash of the number 1s. Kevin played extremely well despite the cool court. He fought and ran and dropped and lobbed, sprinted and whirled all the way through. But his opponent kept on retrieving and wore him down for a memorable 2-3 result.
And so yet again Barnes was vanquished 0-5. Not the finest result but not for want of effort. In the bar it was all backslapping and bonhomie, the rivalry set aside until next year. Because no one could think dark thoughts while tucking in to Gill's pasta bake. That was the sweetest victory of the night.

1st Dec 2016 : Friendly at Sheen

In a close fought match Barnes turned out eventual 3-2 winners against Sheen on 1 December. Gerry at 4 and John A at 3 were first up. Despite quickly going down 2-0, Gerry put on a spirited fight in the third game before succumbing to a series of pinpoint serves which saw him lose out. John A raced into a 2-0 lead but the remnants of a bug he had picked up when travelling in India the previous week soon got the better of him and he faded away as his dynamo of an opponent swept through the next three games to win 3-2. It was then up to David and Kevin at 1 and 2 respectively to restore parity which they duly did. David's opponent never got the hang of those wristy, slicey boasts and David ran out a comfortable winner 3-0. Despite losing the first game Kevin was calm and measured playing his natural, fluent strokes that had his opponent running all over the court and he finished strongly winning the next three games to take it 3-1. It came down to Andrew, playing at 5, to bring home the match which he did in style despite the power hitting of his opponent which saw Andrew having to dodge and duck on several occasions as the ball rocketed off the front wall. A confident 3-0 win for Andrew thus securing the victory.
The match over, we then retired to the clubhouse for some sumptuous steak and mushroom pie, all washed down with a few pints of Pride and a couple of bottles of Rioja. Well done to the team for a great performance.

10th Sept 2016 : Friendly at Wimbledon

The mighty warriors of Barnes received a 0-5 drubbing at the hands of Wimbledon on 10 November. First up at 5 was John R who never quite got to grips with a slippery opponent. Ian was at 4 and fighting not only his adversary but also a cold which left him, he claimed, with reduced lung capacity. In other words, he was knackered and thus slipped to a 1-3 defeat. This unwellness had the unwise impact of promoting Gerry to 3, the highest he has been since the incident with the hallucinogenic mushrooms. He was duly whipped by a merciless opponent who barely deigned to break sweat.
The games at 1 and 2 were much closer and good to watch. John A was all sleek efficiency until his dead leg started to restrict movement (this had been delivered by a fellow tube traveller heading down the stairs at full pelt; unintentionally it is claimed). A tight affair resulted in a 2-3 loss which could and have been different. It was left to skipper David to restore honour but against a tough and wily opponent he had his work cut out. Initial signs were good but the guy would not be subdued and punished every looseness, resulting in a 1-3 defeat.
Still, the bar was good and the team wolfed down an extra helping of spaghetti, showing that in the things that really matter, Barnes always comes out on top.

29th Sept 2016 : Friendly at Roehampton

Barnes kicked off their winter season of friendly matches against Roehampton on 29 October. The match was played in a typically competitive but lighthearted spirit. John Roche, the only rookie in the Barnes team, took to the court first. Although dropping the first two games, he battled back to 2-2, before succumbing in the fifth. Paul Williams, Euan Macfarlane and David Crane all had good matches and ended up comfortable winners. All that was left was for John Adam, the club champion, to add the coup de grace. With the rest of the team watching, John confidently stepped onto the court....and lost 0-3. It was no disgrace, however, as his opponent was an exceptional squash player. The overall result was a pleasing 3-2 win for Barnes. All that was left to do was head to the clubhouse for lasagna and a beer or two. Thank you to the Roehampton team for their good sportsmanship and good company.

18th Sep 2016 : Herald Trophy

Herald Trophy Winner 2016


Congratulations to John Adam who is the Herald Trophy winner of 2016.

25th Apr 2016 : Friendly against John Lewis

For the last friendly match of the season, Barnes hosted John Lewis in an epic battle. Four of the matches went to 3-2 with only John at no. 2 proving ruthless with a 3-0 win. Gerry and Paul at 5 and 4 traded blows with obdurate opponents, Gerry slipping to defeat and Paul coming through a nervy finale. David at 1 and Euan at 2 both came back from 0-2 down to win as Barnes team's legendary fitness shone through, or perhaps it was opponents giving up through tedium or desperation to get to the bar.
We retired to the clubhouse with a healthy 4-1 win under our belts, soon to be joined by exceptionally filling lasagne and beer. From there the evening was a never-ending joy of chat, yarns and time spent crowded around David's phone looking at photos of the fleshy growths that a doctor has extracted from his head. Simple pleasures, and slightly gruesome.
That's it for friendlies until October, as we give way to the serious business of the Surrey leagues. You could join the squad for next season's friendlies - look out for the plea for players which goes to all members in June. The evenings are fun and very social and the more players we have, the better.

13th Apr 2016 : Friendly against Richmond


1 - John Richardson Lost 1-3
2- Euan Lost 0-3
3- John Adams - Won 3-2
4- Paul W - Won 3-0
5 - Lawrence Won 3-0
Result a win for Barnes

John R was on fire, playing really well in a tight game against a good player. Ran out of steam a little in the end after 4 sets of monumental rally's and beautiful squash shots.
Euan - Close games but met a guy fitter than him and David put together...
John A - Battled back from 2-0 down in a tight match against a committed and tricky player. Think Ken trickery with added aggression.
Paul - Avenged a 3-1 loss to the same chap (Keith) last time around
Lawrence - Knocked 7 tons of crap out of the ball in a frenetic victory.

5th Apr 2016 : Friendly against Wine Trade

5th April 2016: Friendly against Wine Trade is an eagerly anticipated fixture, James calmly put Barnes on the front foot by dispatching his opponent 3-0. However Paul succumbed 1-3 as the Wine Trade levelled the match. Barnes then rolled out their big guns with David and John winning their matches comfortably and sealing the victory. Sensing everyone was keen to get to the bar, Euan went down without much of a fight resulting in a final score of 3-2 to Barnes.
Both teams then made their way to the clubhouse for a hearty lasagne and to discuss the merits of more than a few bottles of fine wine. Our thanks to the Wine Trade for a thoroughly enjoyable evening and we look forward to welcoming them back next year.

24th Mar 2016 : Friendly against Sheen

Barnes hosted Sheen Lawn on a rather wet and miserable evening made worse by a 3-2 loss overall with the two victories coming from John Richardson who kindly played two matches, at number two and number five, respectively owing to Gerry Halho unfortunately not being able to play.
John's victory at number 2 was a tight affair in the first three games against a rather aggressive captain who apparently was not the biggest fan of our current Herald Trophy holder, Mr Taylor, owing to previous alleged behaviour in a past tie.... John won the match 3-1, after cleverly adapting his game to clinch the fourth game. Ian Andrews played valiantly and had opportunities to win playing at number four, but lost a close five set match. James Honeyfield at number three, like the captain David Crane, lost 3-0, and never could find enough rhythm, and both were quite disappointed with their performances but knew that they could have done better.
On a rather more upbeat note, the supper comprised the usual lasagne and garlic bread though this time not prepared by our famous cook, due to illness, so an alternative solution was sought and proved successful, though perhaps one extra portion would have been a good idea as it was so popular and there was a hungry marine too on Sheen Lawn's side. The chef ( reheater), the captain, your author... did however manage to serve himself a more than generous portion, so was satisfied....
An enjoyable night and Barnes look forward to the friendly fixtures in the next season.

4th Feb 2016 : Friendly against Lensbury

The second half of the friendly season kicked off with a match in the luxurious surrounds of Lensbury club. Gareth and Ian started proceedings by giving their opponents a good pasting as we cruised to a 2-0 lead. Sadly this was the peak of the evening as Gerry, then John Adam, making his debut, and Andy succumbed to technically strong opponents to leave Barnes with a narrow 2-3 defeat.
For consolation there was a warm club house, fine ale and a hearty curry. The team nobly held its own in the consumption of all offerings of food and beverages.
Our next match is away at Roehampton on 22 February. Onwards and upwards!

29th Oct 2015 : Friendly against Richmond

Barnes took on a testing Richmond side and was thus proven, narrowly losing 3-2, with all of the team winning at least one game bar their captain, yes, yours truly, the author! Notable performances from Will Cunliffe with an exemplary 3-0 victory at number 2 in the pecking order and Alistair Gratrex also winning by the same score line at number 5. Paul Williams and Gareth Broughall put in strong performances and demonstrated their usual tenacity and determination, but unfortunately succumbed to 3-1 losses. David Crane, yours truly, faced a Spanish Matador or Picador rather, at number 1, managing to yield a 7-3 lead in the second game and also losing the third game from a 7-1 deficit, having levelled at 7-7, but faced a better player. Notable mention of Paul's generous donation of two double yellow dot balls to the evening. Thank you to all and look forward to seeing Richmond again and hopefully for a win!

9th Dec 2015 : Squash Xmas Party

Get excited everybody!! It's time to put the date in the diary for this years squash club Christmas party. Suggested date is Wednesday 9th December . We will have club night as usual beforehand but finish at the earlier time of 8 and start at 6. There'll be the usual curry, mulled wine and the bar will be open as usual. I might even repeat my made up party games!!! Price per person TBC but please save the date. Christmas is coming! Emma x

7th Nov 2015 : Bonfire night

Bonfire Night at the Club is Sat 7 November. This is a big local event and the Club puts on a fantastic fireworks display and there is a bonfire, guy competition, bar, mulled wine, BBQ and disco afterwards. It's a very fun evening! Penny xx

1st Oct 2015 : Friendly match Barnes v Roehampton

Barnes kicked off its winter friendly season with a timid 1-3 defeat against a good Roehampton foursome. Eamon, Gerry and Alistair each crashed 0-3 with barely a whimper. It was left to Euan playing at 1 to restore pride. This he did with a swashbuckling 3-2 win against an irritatingly lively opponent. The icing on the cake was his rescue of the deciding game from 1-8 down. Euan had ice in his veins.
The players thus adjourned for beers (no ice here) and Gill's mighty pasta bake A good time was had by all before the Barnes team turned for home heavy of heart and even heavier of stomach.

2015-16 Friendly match schedule

Barnes squash club organises a series of friendly matches against other local squash clubs. As suggested in the name these events are a good way to socialise with other squash players outside our club. The aim to to match the abilities in each match so that the games are close. The home team provides a dinner after squash. Members who wish to play should contact Gerry at the club. His email is listed in the fixtures section of the contact page.

Day Date Time Location Home/Away
Thursday 01/10/2015 7:30pm Roehampton Home
Monday 19/10/2015 6:20pm John Lewis Away
Thursday 29/10/2015 7:30pm Richmond Home
Thursday 05/11/2015 7:30pm Lensbury Home
Thursday 12/11/2015 7:00pm Wimbledon Away
Thursday 03/12/2015 7:30pm Sheen Away
Thursday 04/05/2016 7:30pm Lensbury Away
Monday 22/02/2016 7:30pm Roehampton Away
Thursday 10/03/2016 7:30pm Wimbledon Home
Thursday 24/03/2016 7:30pm Sheen Home
Tuesday 05/04/2016 7:30pm Wine Trade Home
Tuesday 12/04/2016 7:00pm Richmond Away
Monday 25/04/2016 7:30pm John Lewis Home



July 2015 : Surrey League

Barnes are sitting mid table at the halfway point. Kevin Lim and David Crane have been the star players with Kevin moving to 1 and David to 3 for the second half of the season. Chris Taylor has been on hiatus through injury and galavanting around the globe on luxurious holidays but is now back playing and fit ready for the second half of the season. It's great to see Ken Draper back in the game after having both legs replaced. Euan and John have been the consistent steady pillars of the team grinding away and achieving results. Congratulations to Will Cunliffe, Paul Williams and Guillaume Dufond on winning their first Surrey League matches. I will keep the club posted when the season finishes. Keep up the good work Barnes.

Barnes Squash Surrey League - A Team
Left to right : David 'roadrunner' Crane, Euan 'stealth bomber' Macfarlane, Kevin 'team pro' Lim, Chris 'the swinger' Taylor

Winter 2014-15 : Friendlies

What a fantastic season with a special mention of the match against the Wine Society: Great evening of squash and excellent wines to follow. I would put your hands up if you get the chance to play against the Wine Society in the 2015/16 Friendlies. The wine was rare and exquisite and the company were well versed and educated us on some very fine red wines. Barnes won the squash overall but a big thanks goes out to Gerry Hahlo for organising the Friendlies throughout the winter with special mention above being the seasons highlight.

7th Apr 2015 : Surrey League : Nuttfield

Barnes kicked off their Surrey Summer League campaign in fine style. John took to the court first and played as though he was in a rush to get off (which he was), quickly winning the first two games. A dropped game in the third was soon put to rights with a win in the fourth. Will and Guillaume made their first appearances for the team. Never one to end a rally early, Will played all five games before clinching victory 3-2. Guillaume showed typical gallic flair in despatching his opponent 3-0. Euan rounded off a solid team performance by wining 3-0. The end result: a 4-0 victory for Barnes.

2015 Summer BBQs

To cheer us up on this grey and miserable day we would like to let you know about some squash barbecues that we have organised for the Summer.
Sunday 7th June from 2pm
Sunday 5th July from 2pm
Saturday 1st August from 5pm
There'll no doubt be squash beforehand and we can reserve the courts and then we will light up the barbecue and let the good times roll!
Please note the dates and please bring along meat, fish, your friends and family, veg, salad, dessert or something more adventurous. We will try to bring the sunshine too! Have a good day. Emma and Alex

26th Mar 2015 : Friendly match against Sheen

Brave Barnes succumbed to a narrow defeat at home to Sheen on 26 March. Will and Eamon topped and tailed the effort but both went down to wily and distressingly elderly opponents. Gerry at 4 had a strong lead in all five games but still managed to crumble in three of them. Special mention to Paul at 3 whose opponent did not show so he took on all comers and trounced the lot. He is playing league 1 squash in league 3, apparently. This is according to his publicist.
After the match, we all retired to the bar for excellent lasagne and a sociable evening. We'll get them next time.

23rd Feb 2015 : Friendly match at Roehampton

A strong Barnes team turned up at local rivals Roehampton for a return fixture but was trounced 4-1 by waspish opponents. Kevin, David and John played high quality matches at 1, 2 and 3 but after lengthy sparring, only John emerged victorious. He had the satisfying sight of his opponent gasping for breath on the floor at the end. Giles was undone by superior nous and home advantage at 4, losing 3-2. Gerry at 5 crumbled to a 3-0 defeat against an even older opponent, which was at least a novelty, although depriving him of his ritual excuse.
Needless to say the Barnes team more than matched their opponents in the things that matter. After revelling in the warmed towels, luxury toiletries and a dressing room larger than our club, we were refreshed and ready for the bar afterwards, where we enjoyed Roehampton's excellent hospitality. We look forward to next season's matches against a very sociable team.

4th Dec 2014 : Friendly match at Sheen

Our last friendly match of 2014 saw Barnes take on arch rivals Sheen on their turf. Usually these are close contests but not this time. Euan, Paul, Gerry and Eamon all flirted with the idea of winning a game but declined to actually do so. Stuart, playing at 2, showed the way but still went down 3-1, thus enabling Sheen to achieve a clear 5-0 trouncing of Barnes.
But there was no chance for this to lead to introspection and gloom in the clubhouse amid Sheen's excellent bonhomie, beer, wine and fine food (rolled beef and olives - yum).
We play the return match in March and need to take revenge. Extra training all round.

13th Nov 2014 : Friendly match at Wimbledon lost 1-3

Barnes was beaten 3-1 at Wimbledon in a very enjoyable fixture. The team was much changed from that originally planned but put up a good fight. Euan at 1 was imperious in recording our win. Charlotte and Eamon were well beaten, whereas Gerry led 2-0 before succumbing, and Alistair's game was tied at 2-2 when the opponent had to retire hurt, presumably as a result of damage to his squash ego.
We were treated to excellent hospitality by generous hosts and the sour taste of defeat was soon swept away by beer.

6th Nov 2014 : Lensbury squash match

Barnes hosted the Lensbury club for an eagerly awaited tie, and equipped themselves extremely well even after a quick readjustment following some confusion over whom was playing! We won the fixture 4-1, with some notable performances from Charlotte in a demolition job at 5 winning 3-0 in destructive fashion, Laurence clinical at badmintonesque as ever winning 3-1and Paul.... 2-0 up, dropping the next two games rather incomprehensibly quickly and worryingly and then regrouping to tenaciously grind out a 5th set win 10-8!! A fantastic recovery and example of refocussing mentally! John was exemplary and efficient in a 3-1 win in quick time, especially after having only just been advised he was playing twenty minutes before! David lost 3-0 at number 1, having had fine chances in the first game to take it, but then outplayed and hit in the next two to a better player. The infamous chilli con carne was much appreciated as always, though perhaps a little too much rice prepared! A fine reward after some extreme difficulty entering the changing rooms by the away team, however with persistence they found their way in....
A much enjoyed tie and we look forward to the return fixture in early spring....

20th Oct 2014 : Friendly against John Lewis

With their generous hospitality, the match against John Lewis was eagerly anticipated. Paul took the 'all whites' dress code seriously and despite looking resplendent in some new kit his opponent remained undaunted and took the match. Eamon and David were also outclassed and although Charlotte and Euan salvaged some pride it wasn't enough. Barnes lost 2-3 but it was an enjoyable evening and we look forward to the return fixture.

2nd Oct 2014 : Friendly Matches

During the winter season we play friendly fixtures against local clubs. Our season kicked off with a rousing 3-2 win against Roehampton on Thursday night. This was followed by some committed socialising in the bar, at which the teams showed considerably more talent with red wine, beer and Gill's magnificent lasagne than they did on the courts. Our team was David, Kevin, Gerry, Alistair and Giles.

Sept 2014 : Herald Trophy

Probably the smallest turnout for a Herald trophy but the cream of the crop all arrived. A handicap round robin best of 3 American scoring was a very close affair with Stuart Macleod topping the table and a tense match between Chris Taylor and Euan Macfarlane to decide the other finalist. Chris only requiring one game and defending champion Euan needing a 2-0 victory with Euan winning 2-1. The final was a best of 5 normal scoring with an injured and hobbling Chris needing medical timeout and a few painkillers to get back on court. Chris saved his best till last taking down a spirited Stuart down 3-0. The BBQ and presentation were a celebratory affair with Chris enjoying a swig from the herald trophy. A big thank you to Ken Draper for organising a fantastic event.

Barnes Squash Surrey League - A Team
The Herald Trophy finalists. Chris and Stewart.

Barnes Squash Surrey League - A Team
Euan the 2013 winner presenting the trophy to Chris the Herald Trophy Winner for 2014

11th Sept 2014 : Summer leagues

The latest round of Barnes Squash Club's internal leagues is running now to 19 October.
Last month Euan Macfarlane knocked David Crane from his perch at top of league 1 with an impressive clean sweep of victories. Well deserved. He'll be signing up for Strictly soon.
All you have to do is to arrange games by email in order to enjoy some squash. Let us know if you want to join our leagues. We have six internal divisions, so all levels very welcome!

27th July 2014 : Summer leagues

The new Barnes squash leagues run to Sunday 7 September. The sun is shining, the courts are warm and people are heady with thoughts of squash.
David Crane retained his crown at the head of league 1, grimacing his way to a neat run of victories against largely spirited opposition - or more appropriately, large and beered opposition. He is looking for a run of three championships, so it is up to the league 1 diehards to put up stiffer resistance this month.
All you have to do is to arrange games by email in order to enjoy some squash. Let us know if you want to join our leagues. We have six internal divisions, so all levels very welcome!

14th Jan 2014 : Parsons Green Squash Club renovation

The Parsons Green Squash clubhouse and courts are currently being rebuilt. There are a number of Parsons green members who have temporarily joined Barnes Squash Club.

14th Sept 2013 : Herald Trophy


The fabled HERALD TROPHY showed itself to be a fickle partner, bagging itself a third new winner in three years and sending defending champ Jannie van T off to Capetown empty handed - although, judging by the somewhat lacklustre condition of the silver, Mrs vanT may not be overly bovvered. The reintroduction of a round robin opening round and the injection of point-a-rally scoring combined to produce a much tighter contest in which all contestants got more games and the handicaps truly pulled their weight with many matches going down to the wire.

The round robin opening duly sent the top eight seeds through to the Trophy (and consigned the remainder to the Plate) but not necessarily in the intended order. The culprit was joint top seed Chris T, who not content with his -7 handicap, gifted no less than nine service faults on his way to a shock defeat by Rob Corlett. This consigned him to a somewhat premature meeting in the quarter-finals with number four seed, maestro John Richardson, who thrust in his sword with clinical aplomb after a series of exquisite passes had worn down the yarpie toro and his dodgy knees.

Elsewhere in the quarters, Stuart MacLeod came out of the blocks quickly against joint top seed Nick O'Connor to take the first game. His tactics were then to save energy in the second and hijack the Kiwi in the third. Everything went according to plan until the crucial moment, when he fluffed a sitter volley so badly that it failed even to reach the tin. O'Connor duly closed him out. Jannie van T, despite a punitive -6 handicap, looked to have seen off Ken Draper when getting his moustache 10-8 in front in the third, but some uncharacteristic unforced errors permitted the silver bearded south paw to edge the tie 12-10. Corlett's feisty brand of squash continued to create problems for more illustrious opponents (and referees). He nicked a game off Euan MacFarlane but could not live with the debutant when he stepped up a gear.

MacFarlane's athleticism also carried him past O'Connor - perhaps fatigued by fatherhood - in straight games in the semis while, in the battle of the lefties, Richardson's precision and trickery proved too much even for the master of disguise, Draper himself. In for a penny, Richardson continued where he left off In the best of five final, but MacFarlane's superior fitness told in the end as he triumphed 3-1 to snuff out the colonial assault on the Trophy. He was the best player on the day.

Chris Owen - 2013 Barnes Herald Plate Winner
Euan MacFarlane - 2013 Barnes Herald Trophy Winner


The quarters of the Plate were somewhat diminished by absentees, but the prospect of two byes was averted in the formidable shape of the late arriving John Dioufas who embarked on a remarkable run. Having failed to get past Rory McNeill and Jason Pior in his first two quarter-finals, he was up to speed for his third against a resurgent Richard Leslie, taking the first game. Leslie fought back and appeared to have the match won but allowed Dioufas to take the honours with a late charge at the death, setting up a semi-final appearance against Chris Owen who had earlier knocked out defending Plate champ Chris Barnes. By now Dioufas's momentum appeared unstoppable as he raced to match point in the second game, but the Welsh Wizard conjured an escape and derailed him in the third. Pior meanwhile saw off heavy hitter McNeill to reach the Plate final yet again. In the best of five final, Pior's sleight of hand (certainly not slight of body) set up a winning position in the fourth, only for Owen to launch another improbable fight back which saw him take the final two games and sneak off to the Valleys with the silverware.
Chris Owen - 2013 Barnes Herald Plate Winner

28-31st May 2013 : Barnes Sports Club - Half term Camp

Make A Racket! is a great way to introduce your children to mini tennis, mini squash and table tennis - all in one day! Professional tennis and squash coaches will be on hand to run sessions for children aged 4-10, with the emphasis on fun.

Click here for further details

15th May 2013 : Surrey League - Dorking vs Barnes

The results are in and Barnes Squash were not convincing but received a merit award for effort in the first match of the season against Dorking. The detail if any one is interested was;

Dorking 3 Barnes 1

Graham v Nick 3/0 to Dorking 9-0,9-3,9-6
Tom v Euan 3/2 to Dorking 7-9,2-9,9-5,9-4,9-0
Ben v Laurence 3/1 to Barnes 10-9,4-9,9-5,9-3
Rich v Ken 3/1 to Dorking 9-5,8-10,9-4,9-0

The accolades go to Laurence for his grand entrance on to the Barnes Squash Summer league season, he managed to defeat Ben in convincing style with his excellent shot selection, guile and cunning, well done to Laurence!
Ken played with his usual swagger and tried to thrash his opponent off the court but Rich seemed to be younger and a bit more agile around the court.
Euan pranced onto the scene in convincing fashion leading 2-0 and looking cool, calm and collected but the Dorking cloud descended and Euan lost the next two games in a tightly fought battle, let's not talk about the decider fifth game.
Then that leaves myself the 'Barnes enigma' seen around the club over the last season but not actually managing to prove his worth down to a ruptured Achilles. Let's just say that there is room for improvement and that I think I got stitched up by Dorking, Graham looked like he should be playing in at least Div 4! My team mates will back me up on this, guys.....
So as the season is calculated on games won not matches Barnes got off to an OK start, Dorking 10 Barnes 6.
The next game is at home against Sutton on Thurs 23rd May, I have had a few responses regarding availability over the next couple of months but this is a chaser to email me! I will confirm the team in the next couple of days. I am off to New York next week so will confirm captaincy as well. Euan has taken on the mantle for the following week playing away Tues 28th May against David Lloyd Hampton, Euan I will email you the spreadsheet and if you can rally the troops and confirm for the Tues that would be great.
Nick O'Connor

3rd Apr 2013 : Neil Frankland shows how the games should be played

Neil Frankland, a former world Junior number 9 visited Barnes squash club and showed the novices exactly how the game should be played.

Neil Frankland at Barnes Squash Club

Every Wednesday 7pm : Barnes Squash Clubnight

Members and visitors are always welcome at clubnight. This is a good opportunity to test your skills against a variety of opponents and also a great way to meet other squash players.

11th Mar 2013 : Friendly vs John Lewis

An arctic night at the Lonsdale Squash Stadium despite the best efforts of our fans (well, blowheaters) to warm the atmosphere. And the Barnes V did little to raise the temperature with their play.
First on court were the anchors of James Gedge and Paul "some Aussie bloke" Crowley, playing at 5 and 4 respectively, who, although initially competitive, failed to register a game between them.
More successful was the "engine room" of myself and Giles Watts. Giles at 2 took one against the head, showing un-Barnes-like efficiency in dispatching his opponent with aplomb. I managed to snatch two games (both going to 10) before the superior fitness of my opponent proved insurmountable in the fifth.
Then it was turn of the numero unos. Alas the JL kingpin proved too regal for our own maestro John Richardson, taking the honours in straight games.
If the result was lacklustre, Jill's chilli at least provided some fire and brimstone back at the clubhouse, the after-effects of which may be with us for some time to come.

Barnes Squash Club Xmas Party 2012

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22nd,23rd Sept 2012 : Barnes Trophy Squash Tournament

The annual Barnes Trophy Squash Tournament is scheduled for the weekend of Sept 22,23. Keep the date free - everyone had lots of fun last year and we anticipate another great sday this year. There will be a BBQ and the bar will be open.

13st June 2012 : Limpsfield vs Barnes

1. Christ Taylor: Lost 1-3
Using his ever increasing repertoire of time wasting skills Chis managed to extend his games magnificently. Game one took some time as Chris broke his strings. We think his poor opponents finger were to blame. He rapidly exchanged racquets but took ten minutes to change the grip! Time wasting from there involved swearing at the umpire, calling him a cheat, performing explanatory replays with some scenario based ref training. McEnroe would have been proud.
2. Andy Spooner: Lost 0-3
Doc chose to pay at two so he could challenge the guy who had skill and fitness. He then arranged a handicap system for himself as he felt the youngster may need it. Andy continually hit the ball to his opponent which made for a challenging match. It was extremely disappointing to see Mr Fitness fade after his 3 games lasted an hour.
3. Jannie: Won 3-2
Gave his opponent a chance by losing the first 9-0, pulled back to 9-7 in the second. Having tired his opponent out Jannie went on to win the next three 9-6, 9-4, 9-2. The perfect game of cat and mouse with Jannie toying with his opponent.
4. Stuart: Won 3-2
Started slowly going 0-8 down in the first then realised that his opponent did not like cross court shots. A strange match from there with an abundance of traditional V shots. Not elegant but it worked!

31st May 2012 : Barnes vs Horley

Yet again Barnes was full of promise but failed to deliver.
4. Chris 'Mr Wales' Owens - lost 3-1 to a 67 year old pensioner who taught him a lesson in guile and mental toughness. Verdict: Chris should have buried him.
3. Rob 'McEnroe' Corlett - lost 3-0 to a decent opponent. spending much of his time f'ing and blinding. Racket manufacturers were the only winners from the racket abuse. Verdict: Robs has the 6 pack - just missing the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
2. Jannie ' The Body' Van Tonder - lost 3-2: definitely the match of the night!. The young buck versus the Old stag. Some amazing squash from both sides with the young buck pipping Jannie at the post. Verdict: Jannie had an excellent match, unlucky to lose and fantastic to watch. Well played Jannie - you did us proud
1. Chris 'legless' Taylor - won 3-2 . Played a nice rallier who quickly zoned into the Barnes number 1's achilles heel, lack of fitness and mobility. Taking a 2-1 lead Chris started slowing down like the 67 yr old pensioner. The 4th game was sacrificed as a break was badly needed with death around the corner. Before the 5th game Chris came up with a nipple rash excuse to justify an extended break. After applying 2 plasters he efficiently dispatched his opponent for the only win of the night. Well done Chris - please bring you sports bra next time.

17th May 2012 : Barnes Surrey League Match Report vs Grafton

4. Stuart Macleod - Lost 3-1: This was a clean hitting slug fest. Stuart had his opportunities but ended up on the wrong side of the score.
3. Andy Spooner- Lost 3-2: Having started off rustier than a 50yr old nail. Andy managed to pull his game together and a marathon tussle over 5 games took place. Both players held their nerve, neither giving an inch. Unfortunately the opponent fell over the line first.
2. Vincent - Lost 3-1: Vincent had the misfortune of playing a 23yr old female who has just finished her squash scholarship at Harvard. Vincent covered the court extremely well however the front court touch of his opponent was even better. He had a few game points at 9-9 in the 4th but ended up losing. Is there a fine for losing to a girl?
1. Chris Taylor - won 3-2: Chris(t) the devine delivers a 3-2 miracle that leaves his opponent on his knees begging for mercy. His power game led to a 2-0 lead however the curse of bad knees resulted in the game being all tied up at 2-2. The final game was an epic with true safa grit bring home the win.

31st Oct 2011 : Match Report v John Lewis

Barnes passed through the Grace Gates at Lords but unlike England's cricketers did not let the venue overawe them and clinically dispatched John Lewis. Led from the front by Jannie who was all deft backhands in dispatching his opponent 3:1, Corlett destroyed his very talented, young and fit opponent 3:0 (authors licence applies), before Ken secured the win with a very hot and sweaty 3:1. With the points in the bag Jason and Chris T's legendary fitness came to the fore in the 28 degree on-court temperature and were sweating more than Michael Jackson in a school playground. They obviously threw their games 3:2 and 3:0 respectively so we didn't embarrass the oppo!! An excellent feast in the Lords Tavern trying to work out what a Boondoggle is and Christ entertaining his disciples with stories of Beirut traffic.

15 Sept 2011 : St Georges (Home) - Match Report

So it was St George's at home for the last match of the summer season. And St George's were our closest rivals (in terms of underachievement), hence this was a grudge match, and the results were a testament to that! Playing at No.1 was Andy 'Doc' Spooner against a sprightly (and rather foul-mouthed) 15 year old. It was a thriller and went to 5 games, the last of which Andy won 9-7. At No.2 was Chris.T who had to battle manfully in the face of slow but doggedly accurate 'old man squash' from his silver haired opponent. This also went to 5 games with Chris coming out on top (and in need of a fag)! Rob was playing number 3 and also had a 5 game match but let victory slip through his fingers in the 5th after some dodgy umpiring from yours truly. At number 4 Chris played another youngster (middle age doesn't exist at St George's). Once he had warmed up he found himself in the third game - two games down already. He fought hard only to come off second best. So in the final result the honours were even in terms of matches won (2 each), but we won fewer individual games overall, thereby leaving St George's the victors. Thanks all for your efforts. I have scanned the score sheet for Stu to post on the Surrey League, and many thanks to Stu for organising the team.

26 Jun 2011 : Herald Trophy - Stuart Chamberlain takes top honours

After 20 years the club championship was resurrected in a 1 day competition on Sunday 26th June. In what was the hottest day of the year 17 players fought for the Plate and Club Championship in 4 groups of round robins followed by quarter, semi and finals. There were some severely sweaty squash players who all played a minimum of 4 games in the day and then rehydrated with good beer and a magnificent BBQ. Congratulations to Anders who dispatched Jason 3:1 in the plate final when both players were running on empty, and a big well done to Stuart Chamberlain who was crowned club cup champion having just squeezed past (!!) Rob Corlett, 3:0 in the final. A great day was had by all and many thanks to Chris Owen and Stuart Chamberlain for their brilliant organisation.

The 2012 is already in planning for the middle Wimbledon weekend, although hopefully over a reduced format to avoid an inevitable death on court!

Herald Trophy 2011
Herald Trophy 2011
Herald Trophy 2011
Herald Trophy 2011
Herald Trophy 2011
 

26 May 2011 : Surrey League - vs Surbiton - Away

The 2nd game of the season saw the Men of Barnes (MoB) down at Surbiton Raquets Club yesterday evening. A mad dash from all corners of the country saw Stuart Macleod schlepping down from Blackpool via a five hour drive with a 'full house' in motorway bingo. Jason Pior arrived direct from Gatwick (80 minutes late) due to a 3 hour delay from Inverness. No such problems for Stuart Chamberlain and Gerry Hahlo who made up the quartet.
Surbiton fielded a weakened side from last week with Mark Baldwin playing at 1 from 4 so hopes were high for first victory of the season.
2 courts in use so Mad Dog Macleod and Gerry were both on first. Gerry had the tougher game and it's fair to say he never really threatened, losing the first 9-3, then gaining just one more point in the final game to lose 3-0. Stuart's game was a little closer but with the same end result, a score of 10-9 in the third game suggesting that there may have been more in it for him on another day, one that didn't involve a 5am start and 9 hours driving presumably. Still no sign of Pior at this stage who was still clearing customs so on went the Skipper, Stuart Chamberlain. A shaky start ensued with the serve changing hands many times in the opening exchanges before Chamberlain powered into 9-2, 9-1, 9-4 victory, easy money. So that set up a potential match saving game for Jason Pior, who arrived just as Chamberlain was closing out his game. Fair play to Surbiton on this, they were more than happy to wait for Jason when they could've easily said no, we'll take the walkover, also big up to Jason for making the effort to play too. Unfortunately, it was a poor start for him as he lost the first game convincingly to 1. Then came an extraordinary game that saw Ian from Surbiton go 8-3 up before a resurgent Pior clawed it back to a set game to 8-8, we were still in it! Unfortunately, Jason couldn't capitalise on 3 game points and lost a great game 10-9. It was the nail in the coffin for Pior and Barnes as the 3rd game went past in the blink of an eye with Jason not troubling the scorer.
A fairly convincing 12-3 victory for the boys from Surbiton then as the MoB suffer their second successive 3-1 defeat.

Full scores for the record:

Stuart C 3-0 (9-2,9-1,9-4)
Stuart M 0-3 (4-9,5-9,9-10)
Jason 0-3 (1-9,9-10,0-9)
Gerry 0-3 (3-9,0-9,1-9)

There was even worse news in the bar after for the MoB, The Guinness was off, first time ever by all accounts. It just wouldn't happen on Tom's watch.
Next up are Purley who have played 2 won 2 so far. It's a good time to stop the rot.
Message ends.

19 May 2011 : Surrey League - vs Esporta Club : No Barnestorming on Surrey League Debut

The men of Barnes did not so much storm into the Surrey Leagues, as knock politely on the door and scamper away when Esporta Club (Croydon) came up to open it. The only exception was Stuart C, playing at number one, who announced himself with a clinical win in straight games, only permitting his opponent a sniff at 3:6 in the third game before accelerating out of trouble to 9:7. At number two, Doc had his chances but couldn't convert, dropping the first two games from 7:7, and surrendering the third from 6:2 without adding a point. At three, the only pretty thing about Stuart M's performance was his 15-year opponent as once again he was trounced by a member of the fairer sex - he managed only 4 points in the first game, none in the second. He finally got going in the third, briefly leading at 7:6, before she dispatched him in straight points. Chris, at number four, was slow out of the blocks, dropping the first 2:9. He struck back to take the second, but then surrendered the third from 6:6 and the fourth from 6:2 without adding to his score. A trip to finishing school is required. Things can only get better, as they say.

27 Apr 2011 : Surrey League

Barnes Squash Club is now entered in the Surrey Squash League. See the Leagues page for fixtures.

27 Apr 2011 : Barnes v Richmond SC

Barnes travels took us this week to Richmond SC, however Old Deer Park became Oh Dear Park as we suffered our second consecutive 5:0 trouncing. Jason Pior delivered his usual odd boasts and hurtling back and forth but managed just 1 game, Rob Corlett (your scribe) was 2:0 up before his legendary fatness came to the fore and he was outlasted by an 18 stone South African, and MacLeod and Hobson were comfortably dispatched 3:0. A final 1st string match may have been academic but was a thriller between 2 players with a combined age of 105! Jannie van Tonder was all lobs, smashes and deft touches to surprise himself with a 2:0 lead before all the next 3 games went to the wire but sadly also went to Richmond. After a beer transfusion and a slice or 6 of Pizza our equilibrium was restored and we shall soon bring Richmond down to Barnes for revenge. Meantime bring on Cannons!

18 Apr 2011 : Barnes v John Lewis at Lords

Barnes failed to match the grandeur of their surroundings but, if the result was washed rather whiter than some of their kit, it should have been a closer call. James T, at 5, bravely answered the call after a long lay off and fought back from 2/0 down to square the match before succumbing 9/10 in the fifth. Chris O, at 4, raced to a 2/0 lead and then, as if he had received a call from a shady bookie, promptly conspired to lose. Skipper Jason P scrapped well at 3 but never quite got on equal terms, going down 0/3. So the rubber was dead by the time Stuart M at 2 got on court. Facing a more senior and ringwise opponent he dropped the first but, in a very skilful and hard fought contest, appeared to have got the upper hand to lead 2/1. The effort then began to tell and, as his levels dropped, so his opponent closed him out. Jannie VT, playng at 1, came up against a lefty with more wrist than Murali and by the time he had begun to pick his "doosra" it was all over. An excellent meal inthe "short room" at the Duke of York followed.

Barnes v The Hurlingham Club

Barnes acquitted themselves with distinction at The Hurlingham. Stuart C and The Doc, playing at 1 and 2 respectively, secured their points with efficient 3/0 displays, but debutante David Crane, playing the anchor at 5, was bested 0/3 in a heavyweight slugfest, punctuated by long rests between points! Stuart M at 3 was simply unable to get to grips with his opponent - a member of the fairer sex! He did manage to get back on equal terms after dropping the opener, but then subsided to a 1/3 defeat. The better woman won. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Chris O, at 4, facing a younger, more athletic and talented player, played a captain's innings. All square after two, he fought back from a 5-8 deficit to steal the third and then, taking full advantage of his opponent's plummeting sugar levels, mopped up the fifth to secure the honours for Barnes. Our thanks go to The Hurlingham for their superb hospitality.

Barnes v Sheen

Our 2nd home match and Gill"s Lasagna was the winner after Barnes and Sheen fought out a titanic draw 2:2. The crucial rubber was game 2 with Jason Pior"s deceptive speed around court flummoxing his opponent in game 1, before his superior fatness came to the fore and he lost 3:1. Luckily Neil Hobson and Gerry Hahlo covered the blushes of No. 1 Stuart Chamberlain, who had an off day by his own admission.

Hold the Front Page

Chris Owen is organizing a Summer 1 Day handicap competition, bar / BBQ one Saturday. The winner will collect his trophy from Mrs Owen, if Chris has found her by then, and the booby prize will get his face licked by Bilko. Watch this space for details!

Entered Surrey League

Barnes Squash Club are entering the Surrey Squash Racquets Association Summer League with 14 games between May and September.

Surrey Squash and Racketball Association
Barnes Sports Club
England Squash and Racketball